This post is sponsored by HCA Midwest Health and
written by Kaylyn Flickner, Overland Park, KS.
There’s never a good time to talk about serious health issues with your children. If you think about how scary a cancer diagnosis or any other serious illness is to adults, imagine how scary it can be for children.
My husband, Joe, was recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer. He put off a colonoscopy after having several symptoms. Joe thought his symptoms were just him getting older. After all, he is only 32 so he wasn’t even at the recommended age for a colonoscopy. But the symptoms got more severe, and I told him before he left for a doctor appointment, “Joe, if you come home without scheduling a colonoscopy, I’m going to drag you in there and make sure you get one.”
I’m glad I didn’t waver. The doctor found a four-centimeter tumor and diagnosed Joe with stage three colorectal cancer. He is in the middle of eight rounds of chemotherapy. He will probably need radiation followed by surgery; it could change but we have a plan. Joe’s cancer care team at Menorah Medical Center – a part of HCA Midwest Health – says his prognosis is very good. We understood the tricky situation we were in. We have a 2-year-old son together and an 8-year-old son from my previous marriage.
We had discussed how to tell our older son, but he found some photos in Joe’s office and that moved up the timeline for that conversation. At first, we told him it was a tumor, and Joe would be going to a lot of doctor’s appointments. We also said the treatments would probably not make Joe feel very well. We named the tumor “Sparkles”, so we could say Joe has Sparkles in his butt. Eight-year-old boys think butts are very funny. This was a way to make this entire thing less scary.
We have had a death in the family from cancer in the past. So, when we told our son that it is cancer, we were very upfront, reassuring him that Joe’s odds are much better.
We made sure that our son knew he could come to us anytime with questions. We wanted him to know we were open to talking. He lives here, so he could see the good days and the bad days. The biggest hurdle we had was Joe and our son were very active. Our son has very high energy and loves running so they were used to doing three mile runs in the evening.
We are so blessed to have family live close, so they are able to spend time with our son, focusing just on him. They are able to take him running and to the jump house, anything which gets him out to be active.
This is not a fun experience, no matter who in your life has cancer or any other big diagnosis that can be so scary for our kids.
Here are some tips for talking with your children about a cancer diagnosis:
- You know your kid. You know how much they can handle. Look for opportunities to give small bits of information so they can process it on their own time.
- If possible, practice what you are going to say. It’s best to have an idea what you’re going to say so you can be confident in your words and make your child feel safe.
- Be ready for some big emotions. Kids have emotions just like adults. They will get angry, sad and just like adults, can say things they don’t mean. Know that it’s just one way for them to work through all they are dealing with.
- Make time for your child to be without the veil of cancer. Whether it’s movies or games, good times will help your child to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This will help make your child less worried.
- Don’t lie. Don’t make up stories or mislead your child to think the outcome could be something other than what it is.
Cancer care in Kansas City
HCA Midwest Health offers comprehensive care of all cancer types. We are proud to partner with the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center to bring you innovative treatments and compassionate support services. Additionally, our hospitals are accredited by the Commission on Cancer (CoC) quality program for excellence in oncology services.
