I’ve asked myself this question many times over the past eleven years. It was always more out of wonderment until now …
The first time was right after he really started walking and then stopped walking to start running – his preferred method of movement at the time. Then there was the two times when he became a big brother – once at two-and-a-half, when he was still so little and then again at six, when he was overjoyed at having a little brother to share his wide array of Star Wars knowledge, pretend-play skills and Nerf gun expertise with.
Another time I asked myself where’d my baby go? was when he bravely switched grade schools the day before he started second grade. Instead of being nervous about his new surroundings, he saw right through my pep talk and calmed my motherly worries and anxious heart. He promised to tell me all about his day and the new friends he was sure to make.
Now, I regularly find myself asking where’d my baby go? – like when he relentlessly asks (really … “begs” is a better word) to read The Hunger Games trilogy. Or when I come home after a late class on Friday night and hear the familiar sounds of a “guy shoot ’em up” movie coming from the basement – you know the kind … the ones where sub-woofers are a must, according to my husband (and perhaps all men). Now it is a father and growing-up son who are watching the latest or greatest movie … within age appropriateness, of course. 😉
I ask myself where’d my baby go? as we both try to navigate changing friendships, hormones and emotions racing and feeling the pressure build on how hard growing-up really is for both of us.
I have told him for years that he is a joy to raise and watch grow … and I mean it. Sure, I miss all those dress-up days when he was a different character or occupation all day long. (He would rarely break character, which was the best part of it all.) Sure, I miss reading him the first five Harry Potter books – especially when he finished the last two on his own.
Our reality is now my focus. We are well-past him as a baby – especially since we are fast approaching tween and teen years (gulp).
These new times have us both excited and anxious. Thrilled and nauseated. Ready and tentative.
We have made a promise to each other to be as kind as we can be to one another, to seek understanding first, and to be open. Maybe that has you laughing a knowing-laugh that we won’t be able to keep our promise … trust me, I hear ya. I know that I can’t be “his person” forever. What you don’t know is how special my son is and how thrilled I am that he would even consider me as a guide in his upcoming adventures. So, I am going to take it – and with it, thousands of deep breaths to pull off my side of the promise with love, patience and Academy Award-winning performances.
He is worth it, because he will always be my baby.
Mom Challenge:
Take a moment and share where you are in your mothering journey.
This community can only grow and support one another when we practice vulnerability and learn that we are all just doing the best we can with the sweet babies – no matter the age – that we are raising and loving in our homes.
Soooo … spill it! We’d love to hear from you.
