“What did you do today?” A question that seems innocent enough to the average person. But to the SAHM laden with tiredness, functioning on cup by cup of caffeine, and communicating via toddler speech–it is a sure-fire way to unleash verbal diarrhea.
Who knew five little words could be so powerful? I know he means well, but whenever asked by my husband, it catapults me into spilling out every little detail about my day and ranting about the kids. I’m highlighting the bad, complaining more than recapping. It’s like I’ve been stuck in baby talk and toddler negotiations all day, and someone reopens the door to adulthood. I’m stepping through and taking off running.
But what is it about those five words that triggers me? In short, mom guilt. I have this silly little idea in my head that I must keep the sink clear of dishes, fold laundry immediately after the buzz of the dryer, look put together, act put together, have toys picked up, and dinner on the table… all while keeping the children alive, fed, and happy. Everyday. Let’s be honest, ain’t nobody got time for that! (For the record, the clean laundry has been sitting unfolded, in the living room, for three days. Husband has tried to move the basket multiple times, and I stop him, saying I’m just about to fold it! Tomorrow looks promising, but I digress.) I don’t care if you’re Superwoman, Mother of the Year, a freakin’ unicorn–doing all of the above is just not realistic. But for some reason, I make that the standard to strive for. It really has nothing to do with my husband, who is generally supportive and understanding. He is just the unfortunate recipient of the backlash from when I fall short of (my own) #momgoals.
In my mind, the question, “What did you do today?” translates to “It doesn’t look like you did anything around the house, today. You’re not doing enough. You’re not good enough.” And I always hear judgy undertones of doubt and disappointment. The good news is my husband reassures me it’s in my head! The great news is I’m in control of my feelings and can just as well stop being negative.
I’m a work in progress. Choosing positivity and confidence in my daily mom-ing skills, are my new goals. Society can be hard enough on moms; I need to be by own biggest proponent. Instead of being consumed with chore-productivity, I’m focusing on memory-building. Obviously I can’t just let the house go, but I can find greater value in this season by loving on my kids and soaking up snuggles. “The days are long but the years are short.” Housework can wait, because time doesn’t. Kids keep growing, whether you like it or not.
This time of year is especially great for remembering thankfulness. Even on the worst days when your kids are driving you 50 shades of crazy, the house was hit by a toddler tornado, and you can only hear the voice of negativity… be thankful. Choose joy. I ask my husband to leave bad work day vibes at the office. The challenging thing for me is figuring out how to do the same as a wife and reset as a mom, when the home IS my “work” domain. When I instantly jump into complaining after my husband asks what my day was like, it’s not only unfair to him, it’s also not the warmest welcome home. I’m trying to take a few deep breaths when I hear the key in the door at 6 p.m., so I can remember that attitude is everything. I send up a quick prayer thanking God for my kids and the opportunity to be home with them, recenter myself, and put on a smile in confidence that I have more blessings than not. Only then, can I answer his loaded question in a more constructive way vs. complaining.
What did I do today? I sorted bills, played dinosaurs, picked up a few toys, tickled baby feet, took out the trash, cooked up a storm in the play kitchen, swept the floor, loved on my babies.
I did enough. I am enough.
