Once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed in Santa. She grew up and married a boy who believed in the love and magic of Christmas. But not in Santa Claus.
This was baffling. Was it possible that her husband was really The Grinch deep down inside? How could it be that someone so filled with holiday spirit didn’t believe in the jolly man growing up? And how would they raise their own children?
Of course, since this little scenario I’ve set up describes our family, I want to share how we’ve navigated the Santa question from the very beginning in our house. I’m certainly not saying that our way is the ‘right way,’ but since it is a little counter to what most of my kids’ classmates believe, I think it’s worth discussing. I’ve also included some practical tips for thoughtfully creating your own joyful Christmas traditions, should you choose to go this route with your own family.
To believe or not to believe: The background
My husband is the son of a (now retired) Southern Baptist preacher. Growing up, his parents chose to make Jesus, Christmas’ namesake, the reason for the season. When I asked how they explained this to him, he said they were always told that Santa was fun pretend. For their family, Christmas centered on celebrating the birth of Christ, God’s gift to the world, rather than on what a certain individual would bring them Christmas morning.
Until I was about nine years old, I would say my home was mostly secular. We attended church sometimes on holidays, and I always remember being excited for Santa to come and fill my stocking and for the gifts he’d bring. And then, when I learned the truth, I remember just being really disappointed and thinking that Christmas wouldn’t hold that same anticipation for me anymore. I also remember feeling somewhat responsible for helping my younger brother to still believe in Santa.
So when our daughter was born in 2012, we carefully considered how to proceed. My husband has many wonderful holiday memories not believing in Santa and I have meh (and complicated) holiday memories believing in Santa. Today, our shared faith is central to family life and to our celebration of holidays. So together, we reached the decision for Santa to be ‘fun pretend’ at our house.
Setting the stage
When our kids were small, we read a lot of books about the historical St. Nicholas. Yes, he was a real person in history who had a giving heart and inspired others to give! We followed that up with the question: What do we do in response? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had hearts to give?
We also love reading children’s stories about what Christmas means to us personally, including:
- The Legend of the Candy Cane
- God Gave us Christmas
- Song of the Stars
- Christmas in the Manger (a board book that’s great for little ones)
Fun Pretend
Today, our kids are ages six and nine, and they’re all about Christmas spirit. But their belief in Santa is summed up when they say: ‘Daddy is Santa and Mommy is the Tooth Fairy.’
We shared with our kids that Santa (and the Tooth Fairy) are fun pretend, like characters in the stories we read. But neither is an actual person that comes into our house while we are sleeping (Whew!) We have stockings that are filled on Christmas morning, and all the gifts finally arrive under the tree. We have Winter and Baby Jack, tiny elves that move around our house and inspire acts of kindness and fun. But we downplay Santa as the one who brings Christmas. The person we believe in and celebrate most on Christmas is Jesus, complete with a birthday cake and candles.
While this is how our family chooses to celebrate Christmas, I understand that it’s by no means how your family does. The great part of living in America is our free choice to celebrate in our own way.
Right now, we reinforce with our kids that our fun-pretend Santa isn’t something they need to share with their friends. In fact, when the conversation turns that way at school, they can just play along with the fun (no need to rain on anyone’s parade!). In a few more years, all their friends will understand Santa in the same way they do. But for now … it’s our little secret.
