The Poop Fest occurred in late January 2022. For context, at the time my oldest daughter was 6 1/2, my middle daughter was six weeks away from turning 4, and my son was 21 months old.
Now, this is a story all about how
My night got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how my house ended up with actual poop everywhere…
I was home alone with all three kids and doing dishes when my son came running in, pointing to his diaper then the toilet. I asked if he wanted to try the potty. He responded, “yeah!” So, I sat him on the potty, and he had the tiniest little poop. I let him sit for a while, then asked if he was done. “Yeah!” “Is there any more poop?” “No!”
I got him down, wiped him up and told him to go get pajamas and a diaper. Off his cute little naked tush ran, up to his room to grab his stuff.
I was moments from calling my husband to tell him I birthed a baby genius, our 21 month old just pooped on the toilet after initiating it himself. But, then I heard screaming. I ran from the kitchen and rounded the corner to the stairs and there was the baby genius, who was in fact, not done pooping.
Instead, the toilet success apparently opened the flood gates. He was sliding down the stairs, screaming, coming to get help. A trail of poop smearing in to the carpet in his wake.
I grabbed him, wiped him up again and threw him in the bath to go start pre-treating the carpet. When I looked back at him, he was standing in the tub, more poop coming out. I screamed “NOOOO!” He sat down, squashing and splashing poop all over. So, off we rushed to the master bathtub.
Finally, bath done, children downstairs watching Netflix, mom upstairs cleaning mass quantities of poop with the brand new carpet cleaner I bought a week before when we got a new puppy. I thought the worst is over, surely…but then, more screaming.
My middle daughter had trusted a fart she shouldn’t have. As she ran to the bathroom, she pulled her underwear down and left a trail of poop through the kitchen. So then I’m wiping her up, when I hear little feet.
I scream for my oldest daughter, “GRAB HIM! Help!! Grab him before he steps in poop!” But she was given screen time and the world around her did not exist. No help was coming. He reached the poop trail. The baby genius had no idea, and traipsed right through it, getting himself filthy and covering the floor in poopy footsteps.
More baths. More cleaning of more floors.
Very grateful I had just bought a new carpet cleaner.
So there you have it, “Poop fest.” One of my worst mom fails and horror stories to date.
But, I also wanted to leave you with a more recent gem. Two months ago, my oldest daughter changed her mind about wanting school lunch the next day, but I was out of her packed lunch favorites. So, like an amazing mom, I placed a Target pickup order and then put the kids to bed. By the time bedtime was over, my pickup order was ready. I ran to get my order so I could come home and pack her lunch. However, it had been a very long day at this point, and in the 10 minutes it took me to drive home from Target, I forgot I had even gone to Target or why. I got home and in full zombie mode, I got ready for bed, watched a show with the hubs, and went to sleep.
At around 3:30 in the morning, I woke in a panic — literally one of those movie scene wake ups where you shoot straight up in bed with your heart pounding. And then it hit me, I may have been an amazing mom who placed the Target order and picked it up, but I was a very tired and forgetful mom who immediately forgot the order in the trunk of my van all night. All of that lunch meat, cheese, yogurt, etc. was now unusable. I had to place an identical order in the morning, only this one was much more painful because I had just wasted all of that money. And guess who had to have school lunch? Let’s just say she was super happy with the last minute change of plans.
If you’re having a rough day, or even week, or if you feel like you’re not doing your best, just remember – there’s this fellow mom who let her son run around her house without a diaper and he decorated it in poop, and she left an entire grocery order in her minivan overnight! You’re doing way better than her! Hang in there, mama!
At the Kansas City Mom Collective our writing team is very lucky – for many reasons – but especially because we have autonomy over the posts we create. We get to choose topics that interest us or that we feel passionate about. For me, one of my biggest passions as a mom is helping other moms feel less alone. So that’s what I want to bring to KCMC.
The stories and posts we read when we’re up late scrolling our phone with one hand and nursing a baby with the other, or rubbing our kid’s back while they ask for 45 minutes of songs and back pats, or the ones we read waiting for our kids in the school and activity pick up lines. These stories can bring us a laugh, make us feel seen, and help lighten the load of motherhood. From this passion, the idea for a series of recurring posts was born. A series of stories where I share some of my most epic mom fails and musings from the trenches. My hope is that sharing these will bring you a smile and a sense of connection.
We may not know one another, but I’m here with you, doing my best and just trying to mitigate the damage to the flooring around my house. Kidding, kinda.
