I fully embrace being a boy mom of two. While I don’t usually like to assign gender-specific behaviors, there’s something unexplainable to me about the bond between a boy and his mama. I’m experiencing it now, twice over. For me, the greatest joy in being a boy mom is knowing the responsibility of raising gentlemen. My husband is a stickler about this with our boys, always teaching them to treat others fairly, thank Mommy for dinner every night, and put the napkin on their laps. I’ve never been more attracted to him.
Being a boy mom also means a special place in my heart that I didn’t even know existed, is touched daily by rambunctious hugs, unanticipated bursts of energy, silly smiles, and incomparable charm. I affectionately use the term, “mama’s boys” to describe my sons. After all, no one knows them better than I do. They very much love, crave the attention of, and save all the drama for, their mama. I consider it a blessing. From the inside looking out, the relationship is qualitatively different than others. Little boys adore their mamas and express such, in ways that are unique to them.
However, most would define a “mama’s boy” as a male who relies on, is attached to, and heavily influenced by, his mother. It can be frowned upon, although tolerated, when he is young. But, mama’s boys grow up to become mama’s men, and maybe that’s not-so-cute. I’ve heard the cautionary tales about having a son who would be attached at my hip, unable to make his own decisions as a grown man, wimpy, and with no backbone apart from me. I don’t believe it’s right to pigeon hole boys into those roles, and I also think the stereotypes do a disservice to the mamas that were just doing their best. Might I propose we change the perception of mama’s boys and how we bring up our sons? I’m on a mission to coin the term, “modern day mama’s boy”.
A modern day mama’s boy loves and respects his mother, values her opinion, but can still confidently make his own decisions. He is sensitive but independent, instead of passive and codependent. The relationship of a mother and modern day mama’s boy is sentimental rather than dysfunctional. There are boundaries in place with mutual respect and understanding. A modern day mama’s boy is a gentlemen who treats people well, especially women. He is in touch with his feelings, expresses his emotions, and just really, really loves his mom.
I don’t feel like society is too keen on the closeness of mothers and sons. There are hardly any examples to illustrate that the relationship can have meaning in a healthy, constructive way. The mothers are always domineering, the sons weak-willed. But times are changing, and so is the mama’s boy. They are sweet, capable, and kindhearted, with strong and encouraging mother’s supporting them.
Right now, more than ever, the world could use more sweet boys. There are far too many angry men trying to shut others out with an upside-down view on masculinity. Boys who are sweet can find strength in vulnerability. Boys who are sweet have the freedom to feel everything they feel. Boys who are sweet know there is no weakness in asking for help. Boys who are sweet will see women as their equals. And for all that, they have their strong moms to thank.
Instead of being shamed about my mama’s boys, I will be proud of them. I won’t be afraid to let them cry, hurt, care, love, or attach. I am their mother, and they are my sons. I will snuggle them often, remind them of their worth, and be here to catch them when they fall. It is a role I don’t take lightly, for one day too soon, my mama’s boys will grow up and leave to have families of their own. When that day comes, and again when they have children of their own, they can carry on what they learned from our bond. I pray they will be productive and free-thinking men, putting into action everything Mama taught them.
