I see you, Senior Mama. You’re planning for graduation parties and senior pictures and college dorm rooms.
More important than having the right stuff for college, though, is making sure your kid has the right independent living and relationship skills. Take a minute to make a list of life skills an 18- or 19-year-old person will need to live on his/her own. If you want some ideas, check out this list from Kerrie McLoughlin at San Diego Family or this more light-hearted one from Grown and Flown.
Keep reading for my list. You’re going to think it’s the dumbest list ever. What I’ve learned from parenting teens and young adults is this: kids don’t always pick up things as they go along. Sometimes direct instruction is necessary
Life Skills for Incoming College Students
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Make sure your kid knows how to navigate the grocery store.
Right before my son left for college, I watched another teenage dude try to buy food for himself. It was painful. I went right home and talked to No.1 Son about how Price Chopper works. Good news —he already knew!
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Spend some time in conversation about healthy lifestyle choices.
Eating fruits and veggies. Getting enough rest. Moving your body with purpose. If you haven’t already made the shift to parent consultant in this area, now’s the time. Ask questions rather than issue directives. This helps your kid learn how to be their own voice of reason. This may be hard for you, mama. Hang in there!
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Share the 411 on living with someone.
Let’s be honest. Chances are, your kid has some unfortunate habits related to hygiene or room cleanliness. Maybe they leave half-full coffee cups in their room until a yucky science project occurs. Perhaps they drop wet towels in the middle of the floor. While you may have nagged about these things, you still love your kid. College roommates are less likely to overlook these practices. Basic cleanliness is a reasonable roommate expectation.
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Teach them to talk to people in a professional way.
Much of their communication takes place via text message or social media platforms. In the adult world, there are still lots of interactions that require a conversation. Help by making a list of talking points or even writing a brief script. Practice making appointments or asking questions for understanding.
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Talk honestly about alcohol and drugs.
Roughly 52 percent of college students used alcohol in the last month and 33 percent report binge drinking in the last month. Your kid needs to understand the dangers of driving buzzed and the bad decisions that can be made when alcohol is involved. (For more terrifying information about college alcohol use, this article from National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism may be helpful.)
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No means no.
Whether your child identifies as male or female, they must understand consent, as a way to protect themselves and to respect their future partners. Many colleges are asking students to shift their thinking toward affirmative consent, or yes means yes. One last note. At the risk of creating cringes for moms reading this: Consent applies not just to will we or won’t we, but also “how will we?”
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Help them find their voice.
Being able to advocate for themselves is a crucial college skill, an essential life skill. While your child’s IEP won’t be honored in college, a copy would be a helpful tool as they ask for the help they need.