The Right Tool For The Job: Sex Toys Guide

feet under sheets

This article is Not Safe For Work!

Alright friends, buckle up tight because we’re about to deep dive into the world of sex toys. Every trade has its tool, and pleasure comes with a whole plethora to choose from. Before we dive in though, I want to acknowledge that some of you might have the urge to exit out of this article because you don’t think this is for you; but let me just say, you deserve pleasure. There is nothing dirty or shameful about your body fully experiencing what it was built to experience.

The only thing dirty about to happen here is your bedsheets after you discover the right tool for you. 

In the broadest categorization of sex toys, there are vibrating and not vibrating tools. 

Vibrating Toys

In the world of vibrating toys, there are clitoral stimulators, dual vibrators that provide internal and external stimulation, and vibrating anal toys. 

Over 20 years ago, Sex and the City broke down walls and aided in the destigmatization of sex toys when they aired an episode featuring a rabbit style vibrator. I’m not knocking Sex and the City at all, but I’d be willing to bet that a lot of women sought out that style vibrator only to be sorely disappointed. A rabbit style vibrator provides both internal and external stimulation. The style of rabbit used on Sex in the City also tends to have a bit of girth to it, and requires moderately deep penetration to achieve clitoral stimulation with the rabbit ears. If you have a shallow or narrow vagina, you may want to look for a pared down version or start with another tool. All this to say, what works for your friend, or whatever tool is getting a lot of buzz- no pun intended, may not be what works best for you.  

When it comes to clitoral stimulation, the options are plentiful. Side note: between 70-90% of women can not achieve orgasm with penetration alone. A clitoral vibrator can make a wonderful addition to the bedroom; solo or with a partner. 

So, let’s break it down further.

Clitoral Vibrator Styles

Palm/Bullet Style: convenient, unobtrusive, and less intimidating for beginners.

Wearable-:these are small devices that have little “wings” that hook under your outer labia. If your outer labia is on the smaller side, you could run into complications of the vibrator not staying in place. 

Air pulse: These vibrators mimic oral stimulation by creating a seal over your clitoris and the combination of vibration and pulsing air create a sucking sensation. 

Wand: These are great for more coverage of the external clitoris, and while they can be used for both solo and partnered pleasure, some can be quite large and would be a bit cumbersome for partnered play. 

Dual Vibrator Styles

Classic Rabbit Style: This tool has seen a lot of makeovers over the years, coming in different girths and depths. This will provide internal stimulation and external clitoral stimulation. If you’re new to tools, you may love this, or it could be a bit much for starting off. 

U shape: These dual vibrators provide the internal and external stimulation in a much smaller, less intimidating package. 

Non Vibrating Toys

I grew up thinking all vaginal stimulation toys were called dildos. You learn real quick on your first trip in to your local sex shop just how wrong you were, about a lot of things. 

Dildos and plugs are going to be your main non-vibrating tools. 


These come in all shapes, sizes, and textures. These can be anything from realistic penis replicas, to giant suctioning replicas, smooth or textured rod shaped tools with little insinuation of a penis, dual dildos for partnered pleasure, and everywhere in between. 

Anal Toys

First things first: if you are new to butt play, a lubricated, gloved finger is a perfect place to start, but if you’re wanting to incorporate a toy, start small. For all that is holy, please also follow this one simple rule: “Without a base, without a trace”…. If there is nothing to keep your booty from swallowing that toy whole, you will most assuredly find yourself in a predicament of fishing a toy out yourself, or more likely, slinking into your local ER to have it removed for you. 

While this is not a comprehensive list, it is a decent jumping off place for anyone interested in finding what toy brings them the most pleasure. Remember to keep an open mind, put on your favorite music, and enjoy.

Kara Montgomery
Kara is a coffee loving, pregnant, stay at home toddler and dog mom. Kara and her wife have been doing life together for 11 years and married for 6. They are raising their kids in a rural suburb just outside Kansas City and navigating raising kiddos that don’t know life outside of a global pandemic. Home improvement projects, playing in nature, and time with family are what keep them sane. A current focus in her personal life is remembering and relearning the joy in all things she enjoyed before they became her “job” or the “grown up thing” to do, like cooking, cleaning, and exercising; and always working towards growth and balance.